This is an interesting post Eric, and I would encourage Moses to respond to your allegations.

It is a shame that the funding secured has resulted in bad blood between two friends, both of whom I believe have good intentions in seeking to assist the people of Sudan and who have followed through on those intentions with volunteer work in the past.

Is it not possible for you guys to sit down together and work out a way forward for your project that is logical and fair, without having to resort to an appeal to wazungu?

I agree, keep this in Kenya and Sudan. If you can't work it out, there are much larger problems here at aren't going to be solved by mzungus.

And as an aside that may somehow be related, 3 of my 4 projects right now (all in the US) are currently in a state of "blowing up" with lots of bad feelings and unsureness about how to move forward. I'm probably just mistakenly overgeneralizing, but it seems to me that this is a phase humanity is in, working on this interpersonal part, which requires each of us to get to know ourselves better.

Good luck.

Eric, I know dealing with this kind of thing is difficult...I've been in board meetings like this. Come to think of it I have one coming up Monday night...and for some people there will be a load of money at stake (I'm not one of those people), I expect it could get nasty.

At the heart of the matter...I know you are all good people, and that's a great place to start. From there I would echo Greg's suggestion and invite Moses and all others into this thread in the spirit of transparency and collaboration to try to work things out...and out in the open.

I agree with Greg and Ted that it is preferable for this project to be run from where you can meet together most often. So let me, for now, just offer a few notions that you might consider as you wonder how you might regroup to advance together.

Any group of people who want to accomplish something together is automatically being pulled apart by a some of many DIFFERENCES that already exist among them.

Just some of these differences are their respective experiences, beliefs, values, knowledge, expertise, aspirations, personal situation, habits, races, religions, tribes, genders, ages, etc . Let's call these the centrifugal forces they face.

So the success of their project is already under threat from some of such centrifugal forces operating within their group.

It is also under threat from the lack of resources necessary to do the work necessary for their project

They need something powerful countervailing forces to neutralize and overcome these centrifugal forces and resource limitations. Let's call these countervailing forces their centripetal forces.

Unlike the centrifugal forces, the centripetal forces are conceptual and motivational instruments that are common to them, things they can all agree on, can feel strongly about together, and organize themselves around. There are several of these centripetal instruments.

Here are three conceptual instruments that can be employed toward developing centripetal forces:

1. Purpose.

The most powerful centripetal force any project could have is a clearly defined common PURPOSE. If they are an existing organization, they probably have one already.

Just in case they are not clear about it, or not agreed on what exactly it is, here's what one might look like:

A common purpose is the change or changes that will result from the successful conduct of their project. This or these changes are expressed as one or more specific differences that will take place for specific aspects of the lives of some specfic people (their beneficiary constituency).

As their common intent and as the fruits or results of their work together, their common purpose should have been clearly understood and accepted by all of them - as the promise that each of them are making to the others. And they should have discussed it thoroughly until all of them are committed to it.

2. Strategy.

The next most important centripetal instrument they can use is strategy. Strategy is a conceptual tool that enables them to navigate and advance systematically among all the powerful dynamics that are swarming around in their operating environment.

Strategy is based on the simple understanding that any project operates in a dynamic environment, an environment that is full of powerful organizations, laws, regulations, traditions, cultural values, social fears and aspirations, practices, habits, etc.

Strategy is based on the insight that these dynamics fall into three groups:

1. supporting dynamics, those that favor the success of their purpose,
2. opposing dynamics, those that favor the failure of their purpose, and
3. neutral dynamics, those that might be neutral to the success or failure of their purpose.

So strategy is about identifying, aligning and harnessing the supporting dynamics; about identifying, separating and neutralizing, if not reversing opposing dynamics, and about identifying and avoiding, if not enlisting the neutral dynamics.

As the centrifugal forces among themselves also constitute opposing dynamics, strategy also involves identifying differences among themselves, and developing ways to take advantage of these differences, by harnessing the complementarities among the differences to support the various functions that will be necessary to accomplish their common purpose.

For instance, differences in knowledge, expertise, capabilities, resources and motivation - might be transmuted into strength by assigning operating responsibilities and functions according to the specific strengths of the members of the team.

3. Tactics

Tactics are the plans and measures that they undertake to organize themselves to implement the various strategies they identify to address the dynamics in their operating environment. There are many kinds of tactics:

1. The identification and assignment of teams to implement each of the strategies they develop.
2. The problem-solving, decision-making and efficiency-maximization (waste reduction) policies they develop.
3. The administrative processes and organizational structures that they develop to maximize the performance and effectiveness of functional each team.

I hope these notions might be helpful to you. If so, feel free to demand deeper explanations.

Hi Eric, I'm here to support. Your situation sounds so similar to ones I have been in. It is normal, in my world, for such problems to occur in groups. It is politics, and special psychological muscles need to be nurtured to deal with each other in the most appropriate manner. Your letter is sincere and you are building these muscles. It is so hard. I hope you do invite Moses and others to this discussion so ONet can help out. We are eager to help. Again, believe me, I know how difficult these situations are. You are doing great.

With Care, Barbara

Eric, thanks for inviting me here. I am in the same boat!

I hate it when feelings get hurt, but then I also hate doing some of the work up front which prevents feelings from getting hurt.

Like today I found a tenant who wants to rent a house from me, and I was feeling desperate to rent it because so many people have looked at it and passed on it, so when she said she wanted to rent it, I was like, cool, then it's a deal.

And in my mind flashed the warning, "at least you should ask her what her credit is like, where she works, etc." but I was feeling so good about getting the place rented that I really hesitated to ask any uncomfortable questions.

After that meeting I had that feeling that maybe things would go well, and maybe not. It was a gamble. I didn't have that feeling I have when I have done all my homework and I'm prepared and feeling very positive I have what it takes to succeed. (In this case, we will have another meeting where we go over all aspects of the lease, so I get another chance to ask the hard questions before signing the contract and handing her the keys, but if something major comes up then I will have wasted our time, compared to finding out right away.)

I have noticed that every time a relationship problem occurs, there was a time before that when I could have prevented that problem, and I didn't, usually because I am worried about what the other person will think of me, or I'm worried I will miss some opportunity if I say what's on my mind. Does that sound familiar?

And you and Moses are both not just good people, but amazing. Watching you guys hash it out is like watching Germany and France and Italy creating the European Union.

Eric, I don't know if we are helping to normalize your experience. I sure hope so. Here is a story I recently read in a book, by a Democrat about people running for president and vice president:

"Kerry talked with several potential picks, including Gephardt and Edwards. He was comfortable after his conversations with Gephardt, but even queasier about Edwards after they met.

"Edwards had told Kerry he was going to share a story with him that he'd never told anyone else--that after his son Wade had been killed, he climbed onto the slab at the funeral home, laid there and hugged his body, and promised that he'd do all he could to make life better for people, to live up to Wade's ideals of service.

Kerry was stunned, not moved, because, as he told me later, Edwards had recounted the same exact story to him, almost in the exact same words, a year or two before--and with the same preface, that he'd never shared the memory with anyone else. Kerry said he found it chilling, and he decided he couldn't pick Edwards unless he met with him again. . . .

Kerry's relationship with Edwards would sour after the election. . . . When Elizabeth [Edwards] discovered she had breast cancer, John and Teresa [Heinz Kerry] reached out to help the Edwardses find the best doctors they could. . . . Kerry told me that the Edwardses simply stopped returning calls or talking to him and Teresa. Within months, Edwards started preparing for a bid in 2008. Kerry said that he wished he'd never picked Edwards, that he should have gone with his gut."

Such it is to be human.

Eric,

My heart is with you. It is so difficult when relationships get strained by the reality of trying to maintain and both the professional and personal relationship. You and Moses have done amazing work in the past and I truly hope you can find a way to clear the air and continue your good work. I know it is very easy to give such advice and much harder to make it work, but believe me, we've all been there and are happier with those relationships we are able to salvage than the ones that were sacrificed to our inability to find the middle ground and understand each other's view point. Best of luck to you, --Joan

One question is "What are you out to cause?"

Great observations, as a Social worker, I agree that group work is not an easy job. My big question however remains, what measures are put in place to ensure transparency? We all have good intentions but it is the means to the end that matters.

I hope Moses will find time when he is back to echo his views and try to mend the broken hearts.

I welcome suggestions that will enable future participants of such a project to be held accountable in all areas of the project.

Ravi's tools of group work are important.

It is also crucial to have a mechanism of addressing issues arising, a conflict resolution channel.

I'm trying to prevent another scandal similar to that happening at the World Bank.

I am in agreement that this needs to resolved by the parties involved--who have shown themselves to be extraordinary and generous.

How might that happen? If I were facilitating....

• I might first work on creating some positive energy in the space. What have you been able to do together successfully? So much! And surely you all have a positive intention here.
• What do you need? And when you ask that question...ask immediately thereafter, and why do I need that? And again, and why do I need that? Until you get to a point of not being able to say anything else. It should get to the point of feeling ludicrous to ask it again. And, it should end with something really simple--I need integrity or I need trust.
• Then work to get that instead of some specific predetermined strategy for getting that need met. Find out what the other parties need in the same way. How can you each contribute to getting these needs met?
• What are you each trying to accomplish?
• How do you each see that being accomplished--what is the strategy?

Keep in mind that while there may be some disagreement now, in the bigger picture of things there is a longstanding and positive relationship overall. And that relationship deserves to be honored with some curiosity about how to mend it.

Another thing to keep in mind--you are working hard, each of you, to help people who are in a place of conflict. African brother against African brother. Resisting that is not just about addressing the needs of those who are suffering. Resisting that is also modeling brother love.

I hope this is somewhat helpful. It is much different to be in the space and responding to things as they come up than explaining the general process of questioning. However, I see here encouragement that you work it out. I offer the tools I have.

I wish you all luck in resolving conflicts large and small and bringing forth love and respect and trust.

I too feel like I am seeing a lot of this lately. :(

I felt exactly this Eric, especially when I witnessed how the boat sailed off. It was evident that it's gonna hit upon a tempest. And at such a juncture this, I guess all on board must play their roles to salvage such a boat, lest they all go under.

I have really not come into grasp really on to what is this enormous interest in Sudan for everyone?

It's true Richard, I know for a fact that the African heavy weights on Onet fell off the way because they felt disgruntled. I still insist on the need for transparency if indeed this is an Onet project and especilly when we vote it as a community favourite.

The points raised are wonderful and it is my hope that mistakes made in the past will not be repeated. We all want the project to succeed and it is important that interested participants are given equal opportunities. Only the best should get the competitive chance.

Just to be clear, Community Favorites do not involve any voting. Through our activity levels and the community management's perceptions and values, certain projects are chosen to receive funding from the Omidyar Network. This is not really community voting in the way the name seems to imply. However, projects funded as part of a "competitions" here such as the Q4 funding project are voted on in order to receive funds.

Thanks for the clarification Jean, It is important in both cases that members (especially those who have been previously involved) are given an oportunity to echo their opinions. This eliminates suspicions and creates an atmoshere of accountability.

Daniel and I arrived Yesterday from Sudan.Although i do not have much time to answer you well Eric,i will try to question some few things and make others clear.

On my part i still feel that i had good intentions when i invited you to Onet and all other people in the group.I joined Onet and Francis who was my campus room mate followed. One evening when we were coming from Club 36 with you to buy supper i told you about Onet and asked you to Join.You joined.Samuel,Kenneth and others followed. At this time CPA in Sudan had been signed and through the crisis in Sudan discussions i felt i was going to lender a helping hand. I came up with the idea of going to "do something to help" in Sudan.When i announced it first here in Onet i said i want to do it with friends Francis has been a long time room mate in campus,Samuel and Eric were roommates and great friends to me.Kenneth was a good friend to Francis although he later dropped.Josephine and Monica were great friends who joined us later.Josephine and Eric were Classmates. Daniel comes from the same place like me.Joined Nairobi University with the rest of us for a BA degree but did an inter faculty transfer and did Bachelor of Education degree in Kikuyu.He has been a teacher since completing campus in 2005. Eric i gave all the names and i was the team leader.All what i did falls under what i was supposed to do. During the second phase i named you because.

• You remained committed to the Sudan expedition after we came back in November 2005
• Most of the friends were no longer active here and were seriously searching for jobs.

I think you have made it clear here that in October last year you were employed by the Government as a probation officer full time.This left me with no option but to get someone to accompany me to Sudan.I was adviced to get someone with a Bachelor of Education degree;so Daniel came in.Daniel is a great soul and has brought great skills in Kiechkuon that no one in the group had.

Just few questions to ask.

• Which bad blood has developed ?We are still friends.
• Why did you accuse me when i was away?
• I thought when you got a job you were done with the Sudan;Was i wrong?
• Why did you not ask for this during the past two trips when you were there ? when is it appropriate;when out or in
• What is the work of NEGATIVE feedback here in Onet?
• Where is the rest of the group ?
• Do you really want to straighten things or to paint a bad picture of me

Eric I believe there are better ways and places where these domestic squabbles can be solved than here.

I wish you well in your studies and Endeavours.

Kindly Moses

Thank you all who were invited here and expressed their views.I am amazed by all the people who have commented here by the way they have responded.Its Incredible.

The words of Jean answers it all

What do you need? And when you ask that question...ask immediately thereafter, and why do I need that? And again, and why do I need that? Until you get to a point of not being able to say anything else. It should get to the point of feeling ludicrous to ask it again. And, it should end with something really simple--I need integrity or I need trust

This dialogue is now time barred because the project that is the core of the disquite is complete.

You have raised interesting questions, most of which you have the answers. To put the record straight, most of the group is still active and I still maintain they had a stake in this project. You know as much as I do that friendship ties are broken thanks to how you have handled this project.

I started this thread because I wanted O netters to take cognizance of what has been happening. My goal has been achieved in that they are now keenly watching how you run this project and future projects.

When someone's passion is at stake, you don't make assumptions. Simply because I have a permanent job doesn't disqualify me from participating in O net project. It is not in doubt that I have always shown compassion in working in Sudan as exhibited by my recount of the experiences there. I believe I was committed more than you, at least I have write ups to show…what do you have? You ask if you were wrong, your guess is good as mine!

The Government is a flexible employer, I could have taken a leave just like am going to do as I plan to pursue further studies in Sweden. I will still be on the payroll and still an employee of the Government. Besides, wasn’t Daniel still teaching before you included him in this project? My being in employment is neither here nor there.

My bone of contention is that my name was struck from the list with no explanation. The program coordinator of NCDA called me and wondered what had happened. In future, should you think of dropping Daniel and including your brother or sister, please do it with courtesy. It doesn’t hurt.

You could even consider giving other O net members like Richard a chance to experience life in Sudan in subsequent training phases. It is against rules of fair justice for you to be a constant while others are variables.

I am just being genuine and expressing my feelings. It bothered me how you handle selection of participants and couldn’t stomach it.

That said and done, you closed a door for me. My principle is to not look so much at the closed doors but God will always open new doors like He has done.

Welcome back. I look forward to reading a detailed account of your activities, photos and even videos.

There was much generosity in both these posts by Eric and Moses.

Perhaps you could each think of things to appreciate the other for, and post it here http://www.omidyar.net/group/app reciation/news/3/

Pointing out the good things about the other person, while resolving conflicts or misunderstandings, is a good practice, I think, especially online, where you can take time to think, and everyone can read what you write.