I am in agreement that this needs to resolved by the parties involved--who have shown themselves to be extraordinary and generous.

How might that happen? If I were facilitating....

• I might first work on creating some positive energy in the space. What have you been able to do together successfully? So much! And surely you all have a positive intention here.
• What do you need? And when you ask that question...ask immediately thereafter, and why do I need that? And again, and why do I need that? Until you get to a point of not being able to say anything else. It should get to the point of feeling ludicrous to ask it again. And, it should end with something really simple--I need integrity or I need trust.
• Then work to get that instead of some specific predetermined strategy for getting that need met. Find out what the other parties need in the same way. How can you each contribute to getting these needs met?
• What are you each trying to accomplish?
• How do you each see that being accomplished--what is the strategy?

Keep in mind that while there may be some disagreement now, in the bigger picture of things there is a longstanding and positive relationship overall. And that relationship deserves to be honored with some curiosity about how to mend it.

Another thing to keep in mind--you are working hard, each of you, to help people who are in a place of conflict. African brother against African brother. Resisting that is not just about addressing the needs of those who are suffering. Resisting that is also modeling brother love.

I hope this is somewhat helpful. It is much different to be in the space and responding to things as they come up than explaining the general process of questioning. However, I see here encouragement that you work it out. I offer the tools I have.

I wish you all luck in resolving conflicts large and small and bringing forth love and respect and trust.