Ravi Arapurakal offered to talk with me about my initiative and asked me to answer the following questions before our talk:

What (1) is the greatest SINGLE SUSTAINABLE DIFFERENCE in the lives of WHICH PEOPLE (2) HOW MANY YEARS from now (3), that will result from your continuing to work unimpeded and with all cooperation from everyone you ask - which difference would NOT occur if YOU disappeared today? I.e., the specific difference that only YOU can bring about?

To which I answered:

I'm not sure. I don't know how to answer this question! Do I have to answer this question to talk with you?

The following is a letter I wrote him. I post it here, because it shares a bit of who I am, where I've been and what's next. I'm here at O.net to work with myself and others in our discovery to make more and more good things happens.

My letter

Actually, the questions you asked, made me sad. I practice Tibetan Buddism. I've spent a good part of the last 3 years in meditational retreat, receiving instructions from Lama Zopa Rinpoche. For some odd reason the questions took me to a place of nilialism! And, then to extremism! I don't see place or time as perminant. However, I do believe in conceptual reality which operates using time and space.

It is this question that has plagued me with very deep deppresion for a couple of years. Not something I've ever dealt with before. It felt like I was dying. Much of which was true, as I was working with renunciation -- so in a way, a part of me did die.

I've just recently (the last 3-4 months) popped out from this deppression. I think it's because I could finally write down what I want to do on one page. And, then I developed that into a 3 page proposal with a few supporting documents.

If you send me your email - I'll send you the 1 pager I wrote up for my Lama. You can read the capacity support proposal initiative I developed at: http://www.omidyar.net/group/hearts/ws/Initiative/#initiative-proposal

These documents are what I feel are the next steps that would be most missed if I disapeared. Where I can be of most value. The Peace Wheel and Park initiative is one such example of what outcomes can look like. There are other initatives that I'm working with others on. In each case I work with others to come together in ways that they can not do alone to accomplish something that will benifit the greater good.

Most of this work is volunteer because no one seems to write paychecks for people to provide this type of support. And, those I work don't have the means to pay me. And, often this work is behind the scenes. However, in answer to your question, this is my biggest contribution to the world at this time.

Phil Cubeta had me write up a fairytale of what I saw was needed most to make the world a better place. It's a nice story if you'd like to read it. It's posted at: http://www.omidyar.net/group/hearts/ws/GivingCenters/

The only real answers to your question is that:

1. My prayers benifit others.
2. And, working each day to become a better person working to benifit others.

The tangible tasks, the things I wish for -- I'm not sure the world needs me to accomplish them. There are many me's in the world! But, I do feel they would create merrit for myself and others to make the world a better place.

My wishes are to become a true support for and with others to accomplish their passions. Especially youth working in partnership with adults and community. I've spent much of the last 5 years mediating and developing the skills needed to be with others in a supportive way. (Very different from being a motivational speaker, which is what I did for 18 years - www.julie4youth.com ).

It's not easy to move from working in isolation to working in teams. At 40, people expect you to already know how to do this. Which I'm finding out -- is a huge obstacle for many people. Why I want to do the work, I've described.

In regards to my family, I have one child, my daughter, Ruby who is pregnant with my grandson. What I want most for her, my son-in-law and my grandson is to support them in ways they can discover their passion to make more and more good things happen. They bring me great joy.

In regards to my husband, Dave... he's amazing, so wonderful. I couldn't have asked for anything more. He needs me to help us get out of debt. The debt comes from him being laid off for 18 months. (Actually he laid himself off (actually worked for free). He has his own corporation and when funding got difficult, he laid himself off, so his partner who has a wife with cancer could stay on salary). He's back on salary now, works hard and we now have enough money to pay our basic living expenses. Not enough to get out of debt.

As for me, in 1999 I received a learning fellowship from the Annie E. Casey Foundation to undertand what works and how we could sustain and replicate what works to bring positive youth development to scale. After this two year experience, I fell into a deep deppression and used meditation and prayer to guide me to understand how I might make a small difference that might truely impact others. In short, I had a coming apart of my mind.

The expression that makes me most happy is when Dave explains to his friends that, "I might be crazy, but at least she believes in making others happy." He likes it that I'm using what I learned to benifit others. And, he would love to see the non-profit provide a salary for me. My prayer is that I can attract a $40,000 annual salary.

I've been working with others and a team has begun. I really need some solid business coaching. Someone to hold my hand and walk me through all the steps until we can stand on our own two feet. There are some other needs such as developing a council of trustees (like a board of directors)who are supportive of developing a networking commons as our non-profit structure.

My hope for Emerging Futures is for us to become a networking commons, owned, operated and governed by it's members. With our primary role providing "true intermediary" supports that are grounded in guiding principles ( see: www.emergingfuturesfoundation.org ).

Some of the business ideas that I feel we have expertise in and could generate income fairly quickly are:

• A speakers/consultant bureau (I have 18 years of experience as a professional speaker www.julie4youth.com )
• A marketplace that generates a percentage of sales to the networking commons to provide capacity support for working with people to discover their passion to make more and more good things happen.

All comments welcome...