I'm new to this, so thought I had already left a comment that you would get. So if this is double, sorry. Loved your latest posting, full of love and caring that the world needs more of. There is hope. Love, Al

Cynthia Gentry said:

Tonight I stopped by the grocery store to grab a few things. Instead of the usual light rock wafting through the air I heard children singing. I followed the sound, and discovered, up by the check out lanes, the Inman Middle School choir. I felt like I was in Maybery, especially when they sang a song about turkeys and flapped their arms like wings. I stood there listening while my ice cream melted and it made me painfully aware of some changes I need to make in my life.

For the past several years I have started feeling dread right around Halloween. I'm not sure when it started to be like this. I used to love the holidays. Maybe things started to change when my son outgrew Santa, or after my Mom died. I know for a fact that without my little brother to do his traditional dramatic reading of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and me not being able to spend much time with his daughters anymore the season has seemed empty and hollow. I dread the feelings of dread themselves.

But, this has got to stop. I have so much to be thankful for and wasting a good month or two feeling miserable is absurd and not more than a little unhealthy. So, this year, as I approach the holiday season, I am in search of new meaning.

Now, Thanksgiving is easy. That has always been my favorite holiday. I have an abundance of things to be thankful for this year...more than ever before. My son is healthy and has a vision of building an organization to help young athletes facing the same challenges he faced in his life. I have a new man in my life whom I care for more dearly every day and he comes packing twin nine-year-olds who delight me at every turn. I have cherished friends who have stood by me through thick and thin. I am working every day on CancerKid, doing work I love that challenges, frightens and inspires me.

To top this off I'm spending Thanksgiving in Jackson Hole. On the following Saturday I'll walk down the aisle in front of my little sister who is marrying the love of her life with the Grand Tetons in the background. We'll be surrounded by life-long friends and my new friend, too. Two of my Mom's dearest friends will stand in for her. In front of me will walk the ten-year-old daughter of my dear brother. I think that the question will not be will I cry, but will I be able to keep it down so the vows can be heard.

Christmas is the tricky one. I am not a Christian really. I think Jesus is awesome. I love his teachings. But I don't think he is any more (or any less) the child of God than any of us are. He just knew it more clearly than we do. Christmas is also tricky for me because I have major problems with the fact that the season seems to be all about gift-giving and gift-getting. Our stuff-crazed gimme-gimme gotta-own-more culture drives me nuts.

So where does that leave me? Happy through the fourth Thursday in November and then tense until January? I don't think so. Not anymore anyway. I realized what I want to do a paragraph or two ago. I've decided to run Thanksgiving all the way through until January with a few carols, gifts and sugarplums thrown in for good measure. (OK, I don't really know what sugarplums are, I just added that in 'cause it sounded good.)

The holidays for me are about love and gratitude. Honestly, there is a little sadness in there, too, and I think that's just life. But, if I could spend just this one month of the year focusing on the love I have in my life I think my world would be a better place. This year I'm going to do a test run. I'm going to not panic about the gifts I give and give only ones that are heart-felt. I will give gifts only as a token of my affection, not in the attempt to fill some void or relieve some guilt. I will give freely and from the heart. I will focus on the message of gratitude and see if I can make it last until January 2nd. I don't want to feel the dread anymore, so from now until then it's Thanksgiving and Valentines every day.

However, I will never flap my arms and act like a turkey. But, I sure am thankful that those children did.

Thanks!

Are other folks dealing with finding new meaning for the holidays? New traditions? Altered traditions? I figured that just because Madison Avenue said the holidays have to be a certain way, doesn't mean it's a law. (I think I'm right about that.)

Just deciding to embrace the holidays seems to be making a difference. I'm really looking forward to it. Started on a gingerbread house last night with my friend Al's daughter. I'd forgotten what an undertaking it is to do an architecturally accurate house in gingerbread...but I love it and I love working with her (a true kindred spirit).

Heading out to Jackson Hole in a couple of days for Thanksgiving and my sister's wedding. I'm so happy for her.

Cynthia, I really appreciate your posting. So many people feel this way about the holiday season. We have three grown sons who are all married. A few years ago we started drawing names, each giving one gift to someone, chosen randomly. The first year, I did not draw the name of any son. It was excrusiating not to buy them gifts. But, you know, it was great. I love it now. And it has freed me not to try to get it right, to balance out the whole giving thing to some perfect formula. One gift to someone. What a relief. I enjoy the holidays much more now. And that is a real gift.

love, Patricia

I found this site a bit late, it being the end of April! Cynthia, did your plan work? I hope so, because I am going to adopt the same approach next year. Patricia, I thought your idea for gift giving was great. I think it is the gift giving and focus on materialism that makes us so stressed in December (and all the various parties and functions that we are to attend.)

One thing that I have done that helps me, is to do Christmnas shopping while I am on my summer vacation. It is always fun to buy things in new places, and when I get home I hide the things away for Christmas. ( I just have to make sure I can remember where I put them.) And, I've satisfied the "vacation shopping urge" without getting more knickknacks for myself!

Thanks for the great ideas.