Sue Braiden (CCAL30) (2046)

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Just a small hello

Posted to: Sue Braiden (CCAL30) (2046) by Sue Braiden (CCAL30) (2046), Wed, 06 Sep 2006 21:17:26 PDT
Edited: Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:44:23 PDT
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A couple of omidyar.net friends have reached out to me this past week. Some mentioned that people were disappointed that I didn't give a reason for leaving. I feel badly that some are assuming it's been because I was unhappy here, but I really haven't been able to be public about what's been going on with me this past year.

I took sick during the CBC lockout last fall. I thought I had the flu, but I never really recovered. This past winter I had a lung scan done, and it showed a spot. I didn't realize that this had shown up on lung scans the past few years, but the doctor told me this was in fact the case, and that it was getting bigger. At that point, I was hopeful it was scar tissue from the clots that had blown into my lungs a number of times. The folks who spoke with me on the phone knew that I had a hard time breathing and trying to talk for any length of time.

I started to feel a bit better later in the spring, and thought perhaps whatever had been making me sick had sent itself packing, until July when I went to visit family and people did a double take when they saw me. I've lost about 60 pounds for no reason at all, a lot of it muscle mass. I have tremors so bad that I can no longer drive, let along hold a glass or a plate without dropping and breaking it. Some heart damage causing arrhythmia. I have terrible headaches and have a very, very hard time focusing on the screen for any length of time. I have fevers all the time. These are just a few of the more noticeable symptoms, that started to ramp up again in July, and have now left me at the point where it is very difficult to function day to day.

At the beginning of August I blacked out, and my family took me to the doctor. I was incredibly relieved to find out that I have a hyperactive thyroid, and that it's raised my body temperature, excellerated my metabolism into hyperdrive, and has caused most of the major symptoms I've been living with for the better part of a year now. I was relieved because they are able to do radiation therapy on my thryoid for about 6 months, then put me on pills that should bring me back to the land of the living again.

Three weeks ago, my doctor called me back in to tell me that it was not over. My white blood cell count continues to come back a mess, with my lymphocytes 10 times what they should be. They are looking for cancer again.

I wish I could say that I've dealt with this gracefully. I have not. I've retreated from most of the things I did and loved, and basically went into self-preservation mode. I am slowly trying to reclaim a few things, including my contact with the people I sorely miss.

Those of you who know me also know that I am full of piss and vinegar, and will deal with whatever falls in the end with enough of a fight. I feel badly that people were hurt when I quietly slipped away without a word. I did not mean to disrespect the friendships that I've held very dear. I just didn't know how to deal with what I've been going through. A lot of denial, which I'm trying to get out of with the help of my family and a couple of friends who are very close to me here. I'd been refusing to see a doctor the past nine months, but after an arse-kicking have been under the care of a good one this past month.

I hate writing this note at all -- just more of the same old drama -- but it was bothering my conscience when people were good enough to keep finding me and not just letting me go, and when they were telling me that people were disappointed that I'd simply disappeared without a word.

Believe me, I am not ungrateful. Just a little broken at the moment and trying to sort things out again. I miss the people. I miss the activity. I just need time. I know I've had a lot of it already, but I need more. I'll find my way back. I promise.

Meron, Carla, Jackie and Ray, I know it was unfair of me to ask you not to share this, and I thank you for keeping it private for as long as you have. Lars, more than you could know, bud. Haney and Pam, thank you for finding me inworld the times that you did and keeping this to yourself. Being connected to you both made me remember I need to come back here.

Love to you all,

Sue.

(Btw, can anyone tell me how Moses and our friends are doing in the Sudan?)

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By Susan Megy (CCAL30) (1570), Wed, 06 Sep 2006 22:13:18 PDT
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Sue...I am so sorry to read this news.

I am confident, from what I "know" of you - you will give it all you've got and come out of this with flying colors - more arse-kicking from Miss B!

Even tho' you've been gone (and of course, sorely missed) you know you have an entire army here at your beck and call, ready to go to battle with you, support you, listen to you when you want to scream...and above all else, continually send positive thoughts, prayers and vibes your way.

Thank you for sharing.

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Sue Braiden (CCAL30) (2046)

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Just a small hello

Comments « prev page [1] 2 next page »page 1

Sue, let's bring the next O-net gathering to you.

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